Monday, September 27, 2010

A walking contradiction

I don't find much comfort in scriptures... never have... well, not true... I find the same amount of comfort in scriptures that I find in other books. Sometimes things pop out to me, and I know, "this is true for me, right now," and I like that.

Today's quote come from 2 Ne 5:1-5

  1 Behold, it came to pass that I, Nephi, did cry much unto the Lord my God, because of the aanger of my brethren.
  2 But behold, their aanger did increase against me, insomuch that they did seek to take away my life.
  3 Yea, they did murmur against me, saying: Our younger brother thinks to arule over us; and we have had much trial because of him; wherefore, now let us slay him, that we may not be afflicted more because of his words. For behold, we will not have him to be our ruler; for it belongs unto us, who are the elder brethren, to brule over this people.
  4 Now I do not write upon these plates all the words which they murmured against me. But it sufficeth me to say, that they did seek to take away my life.
They were abusing him. Saying mean things. Hurting him. Beating him. They wanted to take away his life. If he had backed down and given them all the control they wanted, I imagine they wouldn't have had any reason to be angry. If he had let them control him, he would have been a slave, but he would have lived. He felt helpless. He didn't know what to do. So he prayed.
5 And it came to pass that the Lord did awarn me, that I, bNephi, should depart from them and flee into the wilderness, and all those who would go with me.
How many times have I been warned that I should get out? Depart from an abusive relationship, but I stay. God wouldn't tell me to leave my husband. The church says stay and "endure to the end". And then they say, turn over your fucking control to us, or the abusers, or whatever, so that you stay and be what God wants  you to be. And so I did.

Only God gives us warning. In our hearts, he lets us know, "This isn't right. You need to get out and get away." It is easy to dismiss His warning with so many people talking so loudly about what THEY think God wants ME to do.

Nephi left. He got out.
He didn't have contact with his abusers ever again.
And that was what the Lord wanted.

It doesn't really matter what all of the other people think, and how they want to judge my actions. I have to trust me and trust the Lord, and do whatever I have to do to keep myself safe and to find peace.

1 comment:

  1. I believe we should always listen to the spirit. Nephi was told to cut off Laban's head. That went against the general teaching of the church. Sometimes the spirit will tell us to do things that are generally not what we are taught. That's why the spirit has even greater value than the scriptures or our leaders.