How long do I have to fight against the belief that I don’t deserve anything before I begin to feel like I deserve good things? I think about silly things, and I feel guilty. I am not sure how other people think or feel, but I get so tired of fighting against the crap in my head.
- I drive into a parking lot, and feel like I should park at the back. There are people that need and deserve the places at the front more than I do.
- I sit in the living room. There are six seats on the couch and seven people. I should be the one to take the floor.
- On the bus, when others walk in, I should stand so they can sit.
- I notice the smallest piece of food, and that is the one I should take (if I take any).
- If someone else wants to give me a hug, and I don’t want it, I should let them. They need the love and the comfort, and it doesn’t hurt me that much.
- I feel like I should apologize for being in the way if someone steps on me.
- If someone mentions something that needs to be done, I should be the one to do it.
- If someone else is working, I have no right to sit still. I need to be working and helping.
- If everyone is sitting, that is still no excuse, I should be up and working.
- If someone else is hurting, I deserve to be hurting too.
- Everyone wants to ride the horse, so I feel like I shouldn’t take a turn. I will let everyone else go first, and then maybe, I can go too.
- I feel guilty for making the horse carry me.
- If I see someone else walking or taking the bus, I feel guilty for driving in my car. Something in my head says they deserve the car more than I do.
- I don’t deserve to spend money on myself for anything: clothes, food, vacations, cars, nothing!
- I feel guilty for every word I talk about myself. Other people need to talk about themselves, and they don’t want to hear about me.
- I feel guilty for laughing when there is no one else to see the smile on my face.
- In lines, driving, everywhere, I feel guilty if I go before anyone else.
