Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Redefining Rape

For purposes of abortions, the GOP wants to redefine rape. Only those who were forcibly raped (verses date raped, drugged, coerced, etc.) will get money.

In my mind, the definition of rape should be moving to be MORE inclusive, not less. I posted a link to a petition along with this quote on facebook.
"Bruises and broken bones do not define rape - a lack of consent does.I could have fought him harder, and I would be bruised, broken, and possibly dead, but I chose not to. I chose to survive. Don't make me pay more for that choice than I already do."
And now I'm panicking.

What will they think of me? Will people blame me? Will people think I'm lying? Will people think I'm dirty? or that I should have fought him to the death (thank you SWK!) or... how can I even say I was raped? I was married after all... and when I fought him, he really hurt me, but since most of the time I didn't fight... And withholding sex from him isn't right... But the more I learn about healthy sexual relationships - it wasn't sex he ever wanted from me. That would require two equals, and I wasn't an equal. Not ever.

I have never had to go through the pain of stranger rape. But I HAVE known what it was like to have that stolen from me. That I didn't matter as much as his violent urges.

I don't care what the government's definition was or is. It was wrong. I believed I HAD to do what he wanted, but I didn't. And if laws can protect other people from going through the hell, I will fight for those laws!


  1. You are absolutely right. This is simply a mask for the Christian right to re-institute their medieval belief that men own women's sexuality, and that only sexual acts that infringe on another man's property rights are "rape."

  2. Thank you for bringing attention to this horrid piece of legislation. If this legislation passes, it will only create more heartache for rape victims. The more people are aware of this measure, the better.

  3. Ugh! I don't like that they want to change it like that at all! :(

  4. I'm proud of you for getting it out there. That's a big step for you. I know it's scary to link yourself to some of these more personal issues but I think it's great.

  5. In college, my sister took a class called "How to say no to a rapist and survive". The BOTTOM line is that you survive the rape, or survive NOT being raped, by doing ANYTHING you have to. So, if, as in your case, you acquiesced to your "husband" (although I use that term loosely because in MY book a husband does NOT rape his wife) as to avoid getting beaten, or worse. YOU did what YOU had to to not escalate the violence against you. I know some people like "rough" sex. But, having to resort to violence, to have sex, is, in my humble opinion, VERY wrong, and constitutes rape.

    I am PROUD of you for attaching your name to this legislation.

  6. Enough people protested - he actually changed the wording. (The point of the bill was to stop having government fund abortion. I don't have strong feelings either way on the government paying for abortion. I was upset that they were redefining rape to justify not paying for it.)

    It worked! They actually changed something because people spoke up! Women spoke up!! I got to be a part of it!

    Jeff - yes. VERY scary. And I survived it. :)

    Blog author - I really appreciate what you said about "husband". What kind of a husband would do that to his wife? I haven't thought about this enough. I've continued to hold on to the belief that I was his wife, therefore it was okay... I can't see violence as part of a healthy relationship. I definitely don't ever want it in any of my relationships.

  7. Jen, you are so brave for posting what you did on facebook. I reposted the link to the petition after I saw it, but I didn't add any of my own comments. You had the guts to speak up about something that personal and that pretty much makes you a hero in my book.

  8. I am sorry for your experience and I think the legislation is a load of crap.

  9. You are very brave to let your voice be heard, and I am very, very glad the legislation wording was changed. The comment by "this blog author" is perfect.
    Adventures in Anxiety Land

  10. Amelia - I find it ironic that you would call me a hero, because I admire your bravery, and keep being astounded by YOU. :)

    Dom - Thanks!

    Blue Morpho - Thanks! And thanks for your blog.