For the past six months, a coworker has not been doing her job. She no longer works for the company. (I originally used the word "fired". That wasn't completely accurate. I said it because this paragraph isn't really the point of this entry at all. I just wanted to give enough of the back story, so that the rest of this entry made sense. I fixed it to be more accurate, and I apologize for my original inaccuracy.) For the past two weeks, I have spent a lot of time cleaning up. Literally. There was more than $5000 worth of invoices that had to be voided out, merchandise put away, and corrected in the inventory.
A few days ago, when I was dealing with the biggest part of the mess, I posted on facebook, "Who wants to listen to me complain? I'm feeling whiny."
I chose my words carefully, because I was just feeling whiny. It's not like I was dealing with a REAL problem... I knew that, but sometimes... it makes the job easier if I can whine for a minute.
The response on facebook blew me away. I wasn't expecting the love and concern that I got.
I tried to explain to my friends that I was just feeling sorry for myself, being whiny, and that I was fine... I tried to explain to them that it was just a feeling of, "I don't wanna," but they just wanted to be there for me. (My Grandma called my dad the next day just to make sure I was okay.)
I felt guilty that I somehow made them believe I wasn't okay. But, what surprised me the most was how loved I felt.
Most of the people on facebook have no idea the things I've been through. They have no idea the hiding I've done or the secrets I've kept. They don't know about all of the times I stayed quiet when I really needed to scream and swear and complain and (what I would have called) whine.
I still am pretty guarded about asking for help, or sharing "too much".
And then, one night, in a moment of, "I don't wanna," I reached out, and many people reached back.
I don't know what to say about that, other than, "Weird. And cool. Very cool."