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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

One Man's Conversation with his Son (and my thoughts on it)

There's a blog post going around that makes me cringe... Not gonna post a link to it, because it is just like so many other "modesty" posts, and it makes me cranky. Girls, cover up so my "men of integrity" don't think nasty things about you. If you want to my friends with my sons, you'll dress just the way I think you should.

And while I will get as cranky as anyone at Cosmopolitan magazines that promote that women are nothing but sex objects, I feel cranky when you tell a woman that she should cover up (because basically, she is nothing but a sex object.)

I am going to share a link to another blogpost.
Seeing a Woman: A Conversation Between a Father and a Son

There's so much of this I love, but I'm going to focus on the last two paragraphs first. They brought me to tears. I am so used to hearing that I am nothing but a body to be ogled or to be hidden... That to love myself means to hide myself, and that it is my responsibility to control men's thoughts (and in turn, their actions.), it felt refreshing.

I read it a few days ago, and have gone back several times to reread it... because I need the reminder.

I am struggling with a feeling that I am worth less than a man, because I am a woman. I read Dance of the Dissident Daughter, and identified with the feeling... but I wasn't quite ready to face how much I hate my femaleness.

I came out as asexual, because that was better than being a woman. (Fuck. Don't you dare use this to hurt any other asexual person. THIS IS MY STORY, but it does not lessen the reality of some people's asexuality. It also doesn't change the way I felt then. I had to accept that I was different, and that label made the most sense at the time. It doesn't quite fit today, but I'm not sure what label fits now... anyway... not the point of this blog, but I had to write it down.)

I am not a "normal" girl, but such a thing doesn't really even exist. All of the rules and guidelines about how a woman is supposed to be, supposed to dress, supposed to think, act, and live... are just nonsense.

Back to Seeing a Woman: A Conversation Between a Father and a Son

This is the paragraph that meant so much to me:
"I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.

My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them.  Don’t just be around women.  Be with women.
Because in the end, they want to be with you.  Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other.  And that’s not just what women want.  That’s what people want.
- See more at: http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/#sthash.5eTwSUAv.dpuf
My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them.  Don’t just be around women.  Be with women.
Because in the end, they want to be with you.  Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other.  And that’s not just what women want.  That’s what people want.
- See more at: http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/#sthash.5eTwSUAv.dpuf
My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them.  Don’t just be around women.  Be with women.

Because in the end, they want to be with you.  Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other.  And that’s not just what women want.  That’s what people want."
My fight is the belief that I deserve this, "they want to be with you.  Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other," and that I deserve that EVEN THOUGH I am a woman. Something deep down says that isn't so... I am less than. I am an object. I something to be used and abused. And with all of the work I have done, I am still fighting that belief. And it's hard.


And one more time, Seeing a Woman: A Conversation Between a Father and a Son

There is so much truth in this statement.
"Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity."

3 comments:

  1. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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  2. I'm so glad you shared this - sharing on facebook now!

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  3. Very well written, and much more Christlike than "the other post" that simply teaches girls they are objects that must adorn themselves in *this* way, if they want the honor of being sexually harassed by the family of boys and their parents.

    You are worthy of your own journey, and I am grateful for the parts you share here.

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