Sunday, January 11, 2009

A letter to the Bishop that changed my life

It seems strange to be putting a letter to you in the same place that I have put the other letters... But since this is my life, and you are more a part of my life than they ever will be, there is much I want to tell you.

Thank you for being a friend to me. Thank you for your kindness, your love, your time, your devotion to me. Thank you for being an angel in my life. I know the Lord would have been with me as He always had, but there was something so nice about hearing a comforting voice and feeling your arms around me. I have never known such safety as I have talking with and sharing with you.

Now, as things are changing (as they always will), I know it will be ok. I know I am not alone. I know that if I can learn to feel safe with you, and to feel loved by you - I can learn it elsewhere as well. Thank you for being that safe place for me to fall so many millions of times. Thank you for helping me to see the greatness in me.

Thank you for sharing your life with me. You willingness to open up to me has given me so much. Its hard to put in words all of the feelings... but through your sharing of all the pain that you have been through, you have helped to bring healing to me. I hope that maybe I have brought healing into your life as well.

Driving in to church today, I just felt an ache when I knew I wouldn't see your truck there, when I wouldn't talk to you while trying to play the organ, and that I wouldn't be meeting with you today. I know this is all part of the Lord's plan for each of us, and I am grateful for His hand in my life. But I don't have to like it. (This is said with a dramatic pouty face, and a slight temper tantrum.)

I am so grateful for you! Words can't express how much you have meant to me. I am so afraid that you will get some distance from me and think I am crazy or be grateful that you don't have to deal with me ever again. I'm afraid that the only reason you have loved me is because you were the Bishop, and without His help, you won't be capable of loving me. I'm afraid I am just too hard to love.

I know this is probably false, and even if it is the truth, I can handle it. I appreciate that you have always been completely honest with me, and I hope you will continue to be so.

I love you! You are still on my list of blessings everyday, and will continue to be so for a very long time.

Lots of love,

1 comment:

  1. I hope you've learned since that time that you're not too hard to love and that you're not crazy.

    I'm glad you had a Bishop in your life that helped you to feel the love you needed.