Saturday, January 2, 2010

At least its not a million (anymore)

Recovering from a stroke is not that different from recovering from PTSD and an eating disorder:
"Recovery was a decision I had to make a million times a day. Was I willing to put forth the effort to try? Was I willing to momentarily leave my newly found ecstatic bliss to try to understand or reengage with something in the external world? Bottom line, was I willing to endure the agony of recovery?"
I walked around in a numb daze. It was not what I wanted, but at the same time, it was hard to leave the comfort of the numbness. And recovery... has been agonizing.

The comfort of the numbness, the dissociation, and disconnecting, still call to me... Am I willing to endure? I have endured a lot... and I suppose you could say I hope to endure all things... But I still have to make the decision to recover at least a hundred times a day.

That's something no one tells you at the beginning...

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