BJ asked me a question today, "If someone is abusive, so I leave, who's fault is it?" I didn't really have an answer for him. Abuse isn't okay, but... who's fault? I don't know. No one's fault. You left because you didn't want to be treated the way you were treated. That is what you needed to do for you... About ten minutes later, I picked up the book, The Voice of Knowledge. It totally just answered his question. I was going to paraphrase, but it was just so perfect... My thoughts are in italics. The rest is directly quoted from the book.Humans are made for love. Before knowledge, it was easy to open our heart and to love, and we just walked away from whatever was not love. But with the voice of knowledge in our head, we walk away from love, and we go for what is not love.
(Funny... suddenly, in my head, I hear Larry telling me how much he loved me. I would never find anyone who loved me as much as he did. So I stayed. I was drawn to what was not love and couldn't even fathom what was love.)We always have a choice, and if we love ourselves, we choose love. We do not allow ourselves to be hurt by accepting other people's opinions or abuse. If other people abuse us, they are abusing us because we stay there, because we allow that to happen. And if we stay, it's because we believe that we deserve the abuse, and we are using them for self-punishment. If we don't have awareness, we blame, when the solution is not to blame. The solution is to step aside and not be there.
(It sounds so simple. Just step aside and not be there... And this is the answer to his question. The solution isn't to blame. Blame doesn't matter. The solution is to step aside and not be there. It is the ONLY solution.)How can you believe someone who says, "I love you," and then treats you with disrespect and emotional violence? How can someone say, "I love you," when that person wants to control your life, to tell you what you have to do, what you have to believe? How can someone claim to love you, and then give you emotional garbage, jealousy, and envy?
(I'm thinking about Ginger as I read this. I'm thinking about all of the things she has said to BJ that make me crazy. They make me crazy, because what she says is lies. Not that SHE is lying, but she is saying lies. They are lies I have believed for so long. They are lies about what love is. What is ok to do in the name of love. I have believed the lies, but now I know they are lies, and I don't want to believe them anymore.)How can we tell someone, "I love you," and then send all our opinions against the person we love and try to make that person suffer? I have to tell you what is wrong with you because "I love you." I have to judge you, find you guilty, and punish you because "I love you." I have to make you wrong all the time, and make you feel like you are good for nothing because "I love you." And because you love me, you have to put up with my anger, with my jealousy, with all my stupidity.
(Being respectful and kind to friends, because I love them, is different than doing everything they want me to do, because I want them to love me. The first is love. The second is manipulation, control, and abuse.)Do you think this is love? This is not love. This is nothing but selfishness, and we call it love. And we say "love hurts," but we are hurting ourselves with our own lies. All of the struggle in romantic relationships is just nonsense. It is not love, and that is why people are starving for love.
When you are needy, this is what you share in a relationships. But when you are open to love, you receive love and if its not love, you don't have to be there. You are open to receiving love, but you are not open to receiving abuse. You are not open to being blamed; you are not open to receiving anybody's poison because your mind is no longer fertile ground for that. When you love and respect yourself, there is no way that you ever allow anybody to disrespect you or dishonor you.
I love this. It makes so much sense and feels so true. And the words barely begin to explain what is real. (Which is something the author says over and over. We just don't have the words to express the truth of our experiences.)We look for love in other people when they don't love themselves. Of course we won't find love there; we only find selfishness and a war of control.
You don't have to search for love. Love is here because God is here; the force of life is everywhere. We humans create the story of separation, and we search for what believe we don't have. We search for perfection, for love, for truth, for justice, and we search and search when everything is inside of us. Everything is here; we just need to open our spiritual eyes to see it.
There is nothing you need to do to improve what you really are.
(This goes back to the feeling I had a few weeks ago. There is nothing wrong with me. I don't have to search for perfection, because I am already perfect. I don't have to search for love, it is already here. In me. One of the biggest lies I have believed is the lie of my own imperfection.)