Bishop Campbell sent me a text today that said something about "make it a great day!"
I felt like I had to tell him it was a great day. I had to tell him only the good things. I wanted to share more... I wanted to tell him how I felt better today emotionally than I have felt in ages, and that was awesome! I also felt like I had to hide the fact that I was laying on the floor cause I felt so yucky.
I felt lonely telling him it was a great day. Its like I feel when I tell other people about only the good things, or when I smile but don't really mean it.
I feel like there is a brick wall around me. There are places that I have removed some of the bricks: where my husband stands, where Bishop Johnson stands, and a few friends. When I smile and tell people only the good things - I am putting a brick on the wall.
When I share honestly and openly, I take a brick down. When I am completely honest - about the good and the bad - I feel less lonely. Even if they don't get it, even if they are idiots and don't know what to do with what I am telling them... I feel less lonely.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
The brick wall...
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Thanks for letting me inside the wall.ReplyDelete
This is exactly what my problem in life is right now. Except I seem to have put myself apart from who I really am. I've never known it, or had to deal with it until I honestly tried to let someone in only to find that I have no path in myself.ReplyDelete
It's kind of wonderful for me, reading this two years after the fact. You've grown a lot from who you were when you wrote this, and it's a good and strong person that you've become. It's the amazing sister I've always seen, I hope to see more of you like that :)