My definition has changed.

I've been thinking about the ten years in between "eating disorders". I used to tell myself and everyone else, I was recovered. I wasn't.

I was in Compliance. I did everything everyone wanted me to, because everyone wanted me to do it. I just stopped listening to everything inside of me, because everything inside of me was too crazy to listen to. I couldn't trust anything that came from me.

That wasn't good enough. I wasn't happy living like that, so one day, I did it differently. Unfortunately, the only thing I knew that was different was the eating disorder.

Fortunately, this time, I am in recovery. I am learning to trust me. I am learning to do what needs to be done because I want to. I am learning to love myself completely. I am learning to really listen... to others and to me. I am finding healing. And this time, its for reals.