Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I am powerful. And that is a good thing.

Talking with a friend: He was talking about how he's tired of all the shit in his life. He just wants it to go away.
The only thing that popped in to my head to say was, "You're a very strong and powerful person, and that is a very good thing. Stop holding yourself back!"

And then I burst into tears.
It was a moment when I had to wonder, "Did I just say that to him, or to myself?"
I asked. Through his tears, he said, "Maybe both."

I am afraid of power. I have spent my life pretending I had none, or trying to make it disappear by giving all my power to others. Power and strength hurt people. I don't want to hurt people, therefore I will not be powerful. A woman is not supposed to be powerful. She is supposed to be meek. I've tried so hard to be meek and submissive.

Only. That hasn't worked. Who I am is powerful. I am strong. And that is a very good thing.


  1. You are strong. When I met you, I saw it in you, and I knew that you would see it soon. You are an amazing woman. Never forget that.

  2. Last month I got a tattoo of the words "i am strong" intertwined with a serpent (an ancient symbol of feminine power and the divine feminine). As soon as I got it I was conflicted on whether or not I liked it, and at one point I spent about 15 minutes screaming at myself in my head, "You are strong! You are powerful! Just effing accept it! Accept who you are!" And now I love it, even the big muscular snake (I wanted it to be more 'dainty' I guess). It says power. It's me.

    I've essentially been fighting this battle since I was very little. I never wanted to be independent. I didn't learn to ride a bike until 2nd grade. I didn't get a driver's license until I was almost 22. I went to the same college all my other siblings went to; I didn't even apply anywhere else. I let my mother pay for and plan the whole dinner for my wedding reception. I stopped applying to jobs within my field as soon as I got the one I have now. I was initially hired for a supervisory position, and I asked for something with less responsibility. I always want someone else to speak for me. I always want help. Husband has been great in helping me overcome my fear of power and responsibility, but I still have so far to go yet.

  3. You are a powerful woman. And there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, and no longer submitting to others.

  4. Wow, cool thoughts. thanks for sharing

  5. I'm always comforted and encouraged when I get to hear my voice share something with someone else and then to realize I really needed to hear that!

    It's another confirmation of the power ,so often, hidden within. Thanks for sharing your moment.

  6. I get that, the power that you have is scary sometimes. With power comes responsibility and temptation. I know I don't want to have to be strong all the time. I don't have the energy or humility to seek out help when I'm weak. The thing about power though, even though so much harm could come from it, is so much good can come from it too. You're amazing Jen, you've found your power and the will to do good with it.

  7. Macha - I never would have guessed that about you. You seem so comfortable in your power and independence... I'm glad your husband is helpful. Do you know why you're so afraid of your independence?

    Old Man - thank you, and yes, it DOES feel good to be able to hear my wisdom... and thank you for YOURS!

    Jus - I agree. There IS a lot of good that can be done, and I'd like those that can do good with their power to recognize their power.

    Becky, Lari, and Yeti - Thank you!!!