I had an epiphany last night. I'm going to try to put it in words... But, I don't know if I will be able to do it any justice. Here goes:
There are two parts of me: The Thinker and the Feeler.
The Thinker thinks, "I should call Amanda," but then it also thinks "I should call Lauren, and Steph, and Mellen, and Dann too. And I should get some work done. And I should..." Until I can't even remember that I was going to call Amanda.
The Feeler just calls Amanda.
The Feeler doesn't have to think about things, because I just do them. I don't need to explain anything to anyone - not even myself.
The Thinker is where a lot of my "negative" emotions come from. I think about things, and then get bogged down in shame and guilt and fear. The Thinker has a long list of "shoulds".
The Feeler never feels guilt or shame. The Feeler feels fear, and then moves away from what I am afraid of. In a helpful, productive sort of way. (For instance, I don't like the way that guy is looking at me, so I am not going to walk closer to him. I am definitely not going to put myself in a situation alone with him.) The Feeler feels anger, sees it for what it is: a sign that something needs to change, and I make changes.
The Feeler makes very good decisions.
The Thinker can't make a decision. I get so caught up in thinking about what everyone else is going to think, or what I should do, or what is right, or best, or... I get paralyzed in my own thoughts.
The Feeler just does what is best. Its AMAZING how easily life moves when I am in that place.
The Thinker thinks through every possible consequence of every possible thing I could say, and then usually doesn't say anything because its ALL bad.
The Feeler says things that I didn't even know I knew. I learn a lot from myself when I am in this place. I am very wise. The Feeler is very honest, but isn't disrespectful or hurtful. The Feeler doesn't offer advice... just shares. Seriously. Sometimes feel amazed at the things that come out of my own mouth.
The Thinker has huge expectations of what I should have. What I should do. The goals I have to achieve.
The Feeler doesn't. The Feeler is very present in this moment, and loves this moment. And understands that great things ARE happening without trying to make anything happen.
The Thinker hears thing and BELIEVES them. No matter who says it or where it comes from, the Thinker knows its true. And tries to live by whatever it was that was said.
The Feeler hears things, wonders about them, and chooses what works best for me. And if new information contradicts the old, the Feeler doesn't need to justify either one. It can ALL be true, and I'll just do my best to live true.
I've been caught up in Thinking. I much prefer to be Feeling.