Let's hear it for Materialism

I used to be so afraid of spending money. Even buying groceries caused me SO MUCH STRESS. This morning a friend asked me what things I have bought that bring me joy. What a strange question... except that I have a lot of things that I have bought or that others have bought for me that bring me GREAT joy. I answered the question for him, and decided I want to share more of that list here...

 
piano, 
violin (though officially my parents paid for that), 
fish tacos from Rubio's, 
a new quilt for the bed with matching pillows,
fishing gear (a fly rod, waders, boots, jacket, and flippers),
a saddle that fits my bum and Sunny's back and (for that matter) Sunny, the horse, his hay, his shoes, etc., 
a warm coat, hats, boots - all of the layers that make going out in the cold... less cold feeling,
snowshoes (they make winter a lot more fun),
symphony tickets, play tickets, movie tickets,
a camera (I have two. One that Dann bought me a few years ago, and one that BJ bought me for Christmas. I love them both. The one Dann bought is small and can go with me anywhere. The one BJ bought is really nice and I have taken some awesome pictures with it already.)
an iPhone, 
frames for the pictures on my wall, 
camping gear, 
plane tickets to Germany, LA, Vegas, and those are just the plane trips over the last two years,
gas for the car and hotel stays in Montana, Yellowstone, Arizona, Zion,
and cruise tickets to Alaska (although I haven't even gone on the trip to Alaska yet. Just thinking about going brings me joy.)

I feel lucky to have money, so I can buy things that enhance my experience in this life.
I recognize I am incredibly wealthy, and I like it!

I'm outta here!

Spending money has always been hard for me. I like to work to save.

While married, I never had money. Both of my exes didn't make much money. The first one never worked, and the second one always worked for commission only. Living in poverty did not help my issues with money.

Now, I'm on my own. Every penny I make, I get to choose where it goes. I've been saving up a little each month.

A couple weeks ago my siblings were all trying to convince my mom to go to Germany. Her sister is living there until April 30th. She was hemming and hawing a little. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go by herself. I asked how much it would cost, and it turns out it is EXACTLY what I have saved up.

So, I bought the tickets. I'm going to Germany. Spending more than $1000 on myself. Just for fun. I will have no savings after this trip. That scares me a little (okay, a lot!), AND I am SO excited!!

I haven't traveled much. Always too expensive. Its impractical. There are people and causes and things that need that money and that time more than I do. At least that is the way I used to think.

I've always thought I would love traveling. I love people, history, culture, and exploring. It makes sense that I would enjoy going to new places. Now I get to see if I'll like it or not.

This is a new Jen. This Jen lives her passions. This Jen LIVES! For today. And for herself.

Woo Hoo!!!

I'm silly.

I get paid in royalties. I design stuff, and if people buy the stuff, I get paid. I get paid quarterly.
This morning, running the report to see how much this check will be.


It was double what I expected.
I know MOST people would get really excited.
Not me. I had a panic attack.


What did I do wrong? How could it be that much? I'm greedy. How could I possibly ask for that much money? I'm not worth it. I didn't earn that much, and... blah, blah, blah...

Seriously?
Where does this stuff come from?


Lies. Its all lies.
The truth is, if I ran the report wrong... I'll fix it... No big deal.
The truth is, I designed some dang good stuff. People like it, and they bought way more than I was planning.
The truth is, I'm not greedy. People who are greedy don't set up a pay schedule like I have. They like the guaranteed money.
The truth is, I'm not asking for that much money... That was the agreement we came to when I started working.
The truth is, I AM WORTH IT!

Really... nothing to panic over...