My Story

Lets see... where to start...
I'm in my 30's. Divorced Twice. No kids.
Raised LDS, but I don't consider myself a Mormon.

I've been diagnosed with:
PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
Depression
Anxiety
EDNOS (Eating Disorder not otherwise specified)
DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

I was raped, beaten, spat upon, thrown into walls, yelled at, and emotionally degraded... I never tried to protect myself, because I believed I was worth nothing.

Today (May 20, 2011) I am happy. I have been through hell, but hell doesn't even begin to describe it. I love myself. I protect myself. I laugh. I cry. I get angry. I hurt. I smile. I love. I am loved.

I play the violin in the community orchestra. I play the piano. I enjoy singing, painting, drawing, taking pictures. I love deep discussions. I like being with people. I like being alone.

I love horses! I love the things horses have taught me. I love the mountains and just being outside.  I enjoy fishing (fly fishing. I don't like bait fishing AT ALL.), hiking, camping, riding (horses). I love animals.

I like learning and exploring.

I started this blog in an effort to find ME. I was hurting so much, but I was afraid people couldn't love me if they knew anything about me. I smiled all the time, but my smile was only skin deep. Today, when I smile, it comes from within.

I've never deleted a post, and I don't plan to... This is my journey... The things I felt, thought, wanted, hoped for, pretended to think in THAT moment.

Here's me!