Todd's horse, Bo, the first horse I ever rode the trails on, is done trail riding. He has hurt his tendon too badly, and the vet says from here on out, Bo will only be a pasture horse.
|The first time I rode a horse on the trails: seven years ago.|
|The first time I rode a horse on the trails: seven years ago.|
|The last time we took Bo and Sunny out. Shortly after this picture was taken, Todd's dad had heart surgery and we spent a lot of time staying with his parents to help them out. Then Todd's brother passed away. Then Bo hurt his tendon, and we've been trying to get him healed. Nine months later, and we now know it will never heal enough for him to go back to the mountains with us.|
"Hey Jen,Since writing the letter, and the response to it, I hadn't thought much about him. I am still dealing with some false beliefs about relationships. I am still dealing with a lot of guilt and shame that is left from a lifetime of abuse - which included my life with him - but was not limited to just him. I have had to completely reconstruct my whole emotional/mental/spiritual foundation, which takes a lot of time and a lot of work. (That could be the understatement of the century.)
I wanted to write you because there is a lot I have been thinking about for a long time. Someone alerted me to the blog you wrote and it solidified what I think I didn't quite understand before. Where I didn't think rushing you into sex so often was kind, I didn't understand how bad it was. I didn't know to you it was a forced obligation. I thought because I had your consent it was o.k. --I didn't realize how abusive that was to you. I think aside from that, we both went into things unprepared and unrealistic and hurt each other. I am truly sorry, I realize now how hurt you were. I don't want there to be any tension in the future and I hope you are and continue to do well in your life. It would mean everything to me if you would forgive me.
|Beautiful fish - I caught this one in Wyoming on the Salt Creek|
|Sunny and I. I like to ride him bareback, but I forgot about that for a while. (I'm glad I remember again.)|
|Our booth at a tradeshow in Austin, Texas.|
|Awfully nice that we could have a tradeshow in Austin, when Amanda lives just two hours away from there.|
|My house in the mountains.|
|Three horses. Sunny, Bo, Tii|
|Tii, the "wild" horse that likes to eat hats and cell phones.|
|They are a year apart, and still about the same size.|
|Hiking with two of the six. We spend a lot of time with these two since they are close to us.|
|This kid is already super spoiled, and he's barely three months old.|
|My hair: ten inches shorter than when I woke up that day.|
|Paradise Valley Orchestra - our first concert.|
|I've been a part of this symphony for five years now. I really love it.|
|BJ made a great guinea pig for Mark.|
|This picture made me smile... |
We asked him if he was posing for us to take his picture. He just shrugged his shoulders, and then I took his picture.
|This horse was having a hard time - she was really worked up and stressed. By the end of the two hours, she seemed calmer. |
Also - I just loved this view.
|Teaching the horse to give to pressure - it's about technique and feel. This horse/rider combo understood "feel", but hadn't gotten techniques down. I felt like this was the most helpful for me. I have the feel - horses make sense to me, but sometimes my lack of technique leaves me feeling crippled.|
"Have you been to the temple? We covenant to obey our husbands AS THEY OBEY THE LORD. Abuse is not of the Lord. Nor is blind obedience to a man who is clearly not living by the spirit or honoring his covenant to love and care for you as the Lord loves and care for us. Your experience and the experience of many sister is terrible, but not the result of church doctrine. Unfortunately your Bishop's counsel was lacking and left you feeling unprotected. That is really sad, but that is not the fault of the church. We can always question our leaders counsel if it doesn't seem to fit within church guidelines and abuse or coercion are not. Holding the Priesthood would not make you anymore equal or powerful then you already are in the Kingdom of God. The idea that women are unequal or less because they don't hold the Priesthood is false doctrine. Go to the Lord in honest prayer and He will reveal the truth of it to you."And now my response:
"A 2009 study shows that fishing can lower PTSD symptoms and increase the mood of those who suffer from the disorder. After three days of fly fishing, participants reported a 32 percent reduction in guilt and a 43 percent decrease in feelings of hostility. The feeling of fear was also reduced by 30 percent, and sadness dropped by 36 percent. A portion of these positive effects remained even a full month after the fishing retreat."PTSD that they are talking about is the kind that comes after serving in the military. At first, I was thinking about how their symptoms are different than mine... I kind of chuckled at how fly fishing will help PTSD. ("See. I have to go. For my recovery.")
|It is a Great Uncle's responsibility to teach his Great Niece to sneak frosting off cakes. She kept calling BJ and his brother "Papa", because all three sons look alike. She broke my heart, because her Papa was her favorite friend.|
|I told them to smile... I don't think they even looked at each other to know that they were giving me the same non-smile smile...|
|I don't know exactly what was happening in this picture, but it's classic. I'm glad BJ got this picture.|
|When Thenardier is selling fudge, you buy it!|
|Thenardier after the show. I think this is the night that the rest of the cast almost had everything cleaned up before I let him go back and do his job to help. Sorry to all of the Playmill cast.|
|LeFou singing... except this isn't LeFou, it's Justin dressed as LeFou singing "Friend Like Me" before the show.|
|It made me SUPER happy to see how much he was loved. After the show, he had a whole group hanging on his every word.|
|They love him.|
|When Matt came to visit for their dad's surgery a few weeks ago, none of us would have ever thought it would be the last time any of us in Utah would get to see him. |
We didn't know it, but it was one last time to swap stories about Todd. One last time to talk about his gardens and his grand kids. One last time to talk about the trip to Portland Todd and I would make, so we could play more "combat croquet" with Matt and his family. If we had known - I would have taken so many more pictures. I'm glad he came. I'm glad he wanted a picture with all the boys before he left, so at least I had this one.
I don't have the words to express the sadness I feel for Matt's wife, kids, grand kids, (Those little grand kids were the world to him.), siblings, parents, nieces and nephews, and friends.
|"We need a picture of the four of us before we go." Almost every picture we have of Matt, came because he told us we needed one. I'm sure glad he was thinking of it as much as he was|