My first EMDR therapy session was yesterday morning. I left the session not sure how it helped or didn't help. By the end of the day, I felt emotionally fragile and tired. I wanted to cry, but couldn't say why... so I just let the tears flow for no reason. (This is one of those moments where I feel very grateful for the relationship I have with Todd. There is zero pressure to not cry, or to talk about it, or to explain the tears, or to do anything but cry if I want. He sat next to me and held my hand. That's all.)
This morning, I woke up with every muscle in my body sore. At first I thought maybe I was coming down with a cold or flu-ish something, but then I realized: My muscles aren't achy like I'm sick, they are sore like I worked out really hard. I didn't work out really hard yesterday. I just went to therapy, where every muscle in my body shook for at least a half hour (and maybe longer, it's hard to tell when I was going through it).
It makes sense to be sore.
And I would just like to say, our bodies and our brains are amazing. To both hold emotion and trauma, so that I don't have to experience, and then to process it using every single muscle, it's amazing.
I still don't know if it was helpful. It's kind of hard to say, but if pain is gain, then it was helpful.
P.S. If you want to read about the actual session, it's here. If you want to read about anything else I've written about EMDR, check out these posts. C-PTSD means no EMDR, and Moving Forward
I'm thinking after reading these posts, it might be good to do a post about what EMDR actually is. If I get to it, you'll get to read it, otherwise there are some good books and posts about it.
Check them out here:
EMDR: The Breakthrough Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma
The EMDR Coloring Book: A Calming Resource for Adults - Featuring 200 Works of Fine Art Paired with 200 Positive Affirmations