Dann plays church ball. Its a rather ridiculous sport, but... he enjoys it.
His team was in the Stake tournament. (They actually won, but that is not the point of this entry.) I don't enjoy watching a bunch of anal-retentive, self-righteous, angry men play ball, so I don't usually go to the games. However, for the Tournament, I wanted to be there to support Dann. (He is not one of the anal-retentive, self-righteous, angry men... He is a calm one there...)
Dann's team was winning, which made the other team play very dirty. With just a couple minutes left in the game they were intentionally trying to foul... So, one guy PUNCHED a guy on Dann's team. (I felt freaked out, but remained sitting in my chair. There was no running away or screaming even though I thought about it.) Dann yelled at the puncher, and then at the ref for not even calling the foul.
Honestly, Dann getting angry or upset is very hard for me. I am immediately back to really scary times. I don't like it. I wasn't upset at him though... Anxious. Nervous. Crazy in my head. Just not at him.
Another guy started telling Dann to "Chill Out."
Something in my mind snapped... Couldn't understand why or what... I just... sat there, because I didn't understand what I was feeling.
Today, I was telling BJ about it. I got to the part where the dude said, "Chill out."
And my story changed. I started yelling.
"Shut the fuck up! Did you not see what just happened? People don't chill out when there are people punching other people!!! Chilling out would be an unnatural stupid reaction! You stupid, stupid man..."
I was not okay with someone calmly telling (me) to chill out when things are WRONG.
I WON'T! I WON'T! I WON'T! Even though, I did...
Sometimes you have to yell. Sometimes you have to make a fuss. Sometimes people need to understand that its not okay!
I wish I had yelled at the dude.
But then again, I am absolutely terrified of anger... especially my own...