Saturday, February 28, 2009

My patriarchal blessing

There is one paragraph in my blessing that has meant a lot to me. It is the only paragraph that I really feel is talking to me. The rest has felt like it was for someone else... Or just for any random person that gets a blessing. This one paragraph came at the end... almost as an afterthought when he was giving it:
Before you came to this earth you knew that you would experience sorrow, distress, pain and suffering. Yet, you understood the reasons for coming here and you had a great desire to come here. And, yes you will feel these periods and times of opposition where you will experience sorrow and sadness. I promise the Holy Spirit will lift and help you in those times of need and you will overcome them. Also your spirit will be refined through some of these experiences. I bless you that you will experience great joy and happiness. Also you will truly savor and appreciate your joy and happiness since you will have tasted their opposites.
Tonight, as the pain is so close, so great, and it feels like I may not survive feeling it, I remember this paragraph. I will overcome. I will experience great joy and happiness, and I will savor it. I can't see it - I can't see past the pain of tonight, but it is still waiting for me. It is right there. I am so close. I feel it, and yet it frightens me.

It hurts. I don't want to go through this... and I don't even know what "this" is. I want to go home. I want to run away. I want a magic pill that will take it all away. I want a blessing that will offer immediate healing. I want someone to come and rescue me - save me from the pain that I feel.

I won't run. I won't hide. I will stand and face it. I am not alone. I can't see them or even feel them right now, but they are there: my grandparents, other friends that I don't even remember that I know, my future children - they are all there waiting for me to make the choice and to overcome.

I am so afraid. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know, but I want to be faithful. I want to be strong. I want to be the woman I was made to be.

1 comment:

  1. All I can say is that the Lord knows you. He knows you can handle everything that has been thrown at you. He wants you to "truly savor and appreciate your joy and happiness since you will have tasted their opposites."