Amanda called this morning... she saw (from facebook) that General Conference was this weekend, and got worried about a "Sunday on steroids,"
Do you know how lucky I am to have the friends I have? I am amazingly blessed!!!
As we talked, it was obvious I was not okay. President Monson's talk was playing with my mind.
She told me not to listen to the last session of conference... instead, find a friend or a horse to spend time with.
She gave an analogy that hit me as absolute truth. Others have been trying to say the same thing to me, but it just didn't stick... And today, she was truly inspired!
She is giving a presentation on eating disorders to 70 RA's tomorrow. Knowing that she is talking to people who like to help others, and are college students, there will be about five people in the audience with disordered eating. She was worried about giving certain suggestions or saying certain things, because she didn't want to say something that would hurt those five. She came to the conclusion that the sixty-five needed to hear what she had to say, and she had to hope that the five would be okay.
Just because they are saying it in conference, does not mean the message was to me personally.
She said, "If I told you I was falling apart, and I really needed you here," and I finished her thought, "I would be there tomorrow... In fact, I have thought about getting on a plane when you were sick, even when you didn't ask, because I love you and I wanted you to have a friend."
Most people (apparently) would not think that way, and would not do that.
At the end of President Monson's talk, I also got a text from BJ:
"He was not talking to you. I listened to the entire talk. Not once did he say, 'Hey Jen, listen up!' or 'Now I am want to talk to victims of abuse that can't say no to people yet,' He didn't say anything close to that."
The combination of Amanda's words, and BJ's text felt like lightning going off in my brain! So, I did what Amanda suggested. Sunny and I had a special meeting. I sat with him and watched him run and felt so much better after just BEING there with him.
After, I came back and we had dinner with the parents. After dinner, Justin asked me to play the piano for him to practice his audition piece. Gladly, I played. Then he left, and my dad asked me to massage his hands, so I did. We were talking about surface things... the kinds of things we always talk about, but in my head I was praying. I WANTED to tell my mom about why I chose to go spend time with the horses, and I wanted her to understand why that was a good choice. I didn't know how to bring it up, so I was praying for her to ask me.
She didn't, however, she said something about the afternoon session of conference. So I threw out a hook. "Amanda called and told me I couldn't listen to the afternoon session - I needed to go play with the horses." In my head, I was pleading, "Please. Ask me. Please! Take the bait."
My dad, said, "huh?"
So I explained why President Monson's talk was hard for me... Not that what he said was wrong, but I used Amanda's example. My dad teared up. It seemed to really touch him.
And then we talked about conference, and the things we liked, and using the spirit rather then the letter of the law, and the horses and some of the amazing things I have learned from them, and my mom said that she was so grateful I found Sunny, and as I described things about him - she said it was no wonder to her why I felt a connection to him, and my dad told me I needed to research more about horses and socio-sensitive people. And... I felt like they listened to me, and they heard me, and it was amazing!
I am SO grateful for Amanda's phone call today. I can't believe how much happened. I don't know what will happen next. And mostly, it doesn't matter. I am enjoying this moment.