Sunday, May 1, 2011


In flashbacks and nightmares, I have been told I cry out, "I just wanna go home."
As a kid, home was never a peaceful place. Even when things were good, I lived in constant fear that I would do something to set off my dad's anger.
The day I married Larry (ex #1), I cried in the bathroom for hours. I wanted to go home, but I didn't know where that was... I wanted to get away from him, but knew I was now eternally joined to this man who didn't love or care for me in the least.

My whole life, I have wanted a home, and felt confused that I couldn't find one.
I hoped that when I died, I'd find home there.

As I left Germany yesterday, something felt different.

I am excited to be HOME. United States. Utah. My house. My room. My cat. The horses. 

A place that I feel safe and happy and good. I didn't know this feeling was possible in this life.


  1. I'm glad you've found a home where you feel safe.
    I just spent my first night in our new home in Lehi. I think home is a feeling more than a location.

  2. Jeff - I completely agree. Home is a feeling, not a location. It feels good to have found the feeling of home.
    (and congrats on the new house! Can't wait to see it!)

  3. As the saying goes... "Home is Where the Heart is". Your friends, family, cat, horses, are all where you know your home is. It's always nice to get away and see the world, but nothing makes you appreciate your roots like venturing out for a while. (Though the last few times I've gone on vacation, I always wanted to stay there for some reason).