Thursday, October 25, 2012


Hey look: JeannieLeigh nominated me for a blog award. Shocked me a little.

I get really nervous when people like Jeannie read my blog. I figure they'll hate it... it will make them angry at me... Probably because of how open I am here, and I am still very afraid that if people know ME, they'll hate me. Which is somewhat amusing considering how Jeannie and I found each others' blogs.

She is one of my brother's friends.
Justin was (is?) going through a lot. Over the past year, I have pushed him to love and accept himself. He kept telling me he was too horrible, and if I really knew him, I would hate him as much as he hated himself...

A month (or so) ago Justin and I (and my parents) had an intense conversation. (More intense for him than for anyone else.) He shared some of his "secrets". He didn't tell me anything that changed the way I felt about him... I still love him. I still think he is a kind and wonderful man. I still believe I was right in pushing him to love and accept himself.

The day after our conversation, Jeannie sent him an email asking him to guest post on her blog. Guess what she asked him to write about?? How do you love and accept yourself?

I giggled when he called me and told me that.
It took him a few days to write the post... and then I read why she asked him to write it.
Awesomeness in action. That is all I can say.

I think sometimes we need other people to help us remember that we are okay. Jeannie was an angel for my brother, and I guess today she was an angel for me. It's nice to be reminded that people appreciate what I have to say.

So... here's the rules for this award.

  • Each person must post 11 things about themselves. 
  • Answer the questions the nominator asked, and create 11 questions for your nominees to answer.
  • Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
  • Go to their page and tell them.
  • No tag-backs. 
Eleven things about me:
  • I am the oldest of five kids (Jen (me), Jeff, Zack, Mellen (her real name is MariEllen, but I pretty much never call her that), and Justin) I really love being a big sister. Always have, always will.
  • I play the violin, piano, and the organ. I am teaching myself to play the guitar... (I'd learn a lot faster if I ever took it out of the case.)
  • I graduated from Southern Utah University with a degree in Sociology. I still like reading Sociology textbooks. (I'm kind of a geek like that.)
  • I love horses. I love all animals. I just especially love horses.
  • I love being outside. Trees, mountains, animals, bugs, sun, rain, snow (if I have the right gear), beach, sand, dirt, ALL OF IT. I feel at home when I am outside.
  • I love to read. When I was a kid I'd stay up all night reading... I remember one summer my mom looked at me in exasperation because I had read everything in the house and said, "Why don't you just go watch some TV?!"
  • I think people are fascinating. All people. There's just so many stories out there, and I love them all.
  • I love salmon tacos from Rubio's. I live about a half-hour away from the nearest one, and there are days I drive down the canyon just to eat them. 
(This is harder than I thought... what the hell do I tell all ya'll?)
  •  I just got a new iPhone. It took me a long time, because I didn't want to spend money on the phone and I hated the idea of renewing my contract and signing up for a data plan. Now I can't live without the silly thing.
  • One of the things I do for work is design ties (neckties). I get really REALLY excited whenever anyone buys one of my designs. I wonder if I'll ever get used to that feeling.
  • I once planned on starting a group home for troubled youth. Some days I still think about doing that again, but then I remember my pager going off at 2 AM, and I don't want to do that anymore.
    Now for Jeannie's questions:
    1. If you could be an animal you would be? 
    2. Probably a bird... maybe a horse... I don't know. I think it would be fascinating to be anything (or anyone) other than me... How would the world look? Do birds know they are birds? Why don't birds ever land on my shoulder, but they will sit on the horse's back? How does it all work?
    3. Why do you blog?
    4. Two reasons. It gives me a place to sort out my thoughts and my feelings. I get to know myself better by writing. I remember what it was like to feel SO alone... like no one else had ever been through and survived what I was going through. I hope maybe someone will find my words and know they aren't alone.
    5. Favorite piece of furniture (and it can't be your bed!)?
    6. Piano. If that doesn't count as furniture, then my bookshelf.
    7. What is your signature dance move?
    8. I like how it feels to just move with the music... so my signature move is whatever I am feeling in that moment.
    9. Character in a movie/book you related to most?
    10. I can't think of anyone right now... Books, I mostly read memoirs. Emily Pearson's memoir (Dancing with Crazy) was really good. There were parts where I felt like she could have been writing my story...
    11. Number one place you never want to go?
    12. There isn't anywhere I never want to go... I want to explore everything and everywhere. I know that won't happen, but I would love it if it would.
    13. Worst fashion mistake of all time?
    14. eighties hair.
    15. Favorite word?
    16. Fuck.
    17. Guilty pleasure?
    18. I don't believe in guilty pleasures. Life is here to be enjoyed... and I have felt way too guilty about way too many things...
    19. Thoughts on breakfast?
    20. eat it!
    21. If you were a tree, what tree would you be?
    22. something big and old and knotted. 

    So... Justin cheated and ALSO put me on his list, so here are Justin's questions:
    1. Favorite mystical/mythical animal?
      Unicorn... I guess. Never really thought about it.
    2. Favorite place?
      The mountains. Or my house. I like being home.
    3. Most random childhood memory
      Playing in the bushes and pretending they were houses.
    4. What is something about yourself that you're proud of?
      I work HARD. I have had to completely reconstruct myself and my life, and I did it. (Am still doing it.)
    5. What is something awesome about yourself that I may not know?
      I can't think of anything... between reading the blog and being my brother, there isn't much you don't know.
    6. Favorite number.
      I don't have one. I just adopt whoever I'm with - their favorite number.
    7. What are your feelings on the matter of cheese?
      Generally, I don't like it... but I love nachos... and pepperjack cheese has almost changed my opinion on cheese
    8. Favorite book or series, if not possible favorite genre.
      Genre - Memoirs... I will read almost anyone's memoir, because I love to hear people's stories.
    9. A quote you love?

      Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
    10. Someone you look up to in history
      Martin Luther King Jr. 
    11. Someone you admire in present day?
      There are a lot of people. I am surrounded by amazing people. 

    And now my list of blogs.

    Poetry sans onions (Julia)
    The Rains Came Down
    I am serious... and don't call me Shirley
    the peacewriter
    Beyond the Closet Door
    Breaking the Silence
    We were going to be Queens (Kiley)
    Life As a Reader (Morrigan)
    The things I have discovered
    Within Four Walls (Wendy)

    Phew!! I'm done!


    1. YAY! I love reading more about you :)

    2. You and Jeffe used the same quote, which is one I also wrote a blog post about. Theifs! :p