Thursday, August 20, 2009

Cleanliness is next to craziness

This not sleeping thing is slowly driving me insane. Last night, I came to the office... and went a little OCD. I cleaned a lot. It is almost unrecognizable as the same place I have worked in these last few months. Today, I'm sitting here... And for some reason, the completely clean office is making me crazy. I can't handle it. What the...?

I am so weird.

Most people feel better when things are clean. I feel antsy, nuts, and I am reminded of the days that I would do this to my own room. ALL night, I would clean and clean. I would hang up my clothes on matching hangers, perfectly spaced from each other. Everything would be perfect. Not a speck of dust or anything out of place.

It would make my mom so happy. And then I couldn't touch anything in the room. I would just sit there and look at its perfect cleanness. At the worst times, I wouldn't sleep on the bed for fear of ruining it.

I learned to back off a lot while at CFC the first time... It hasn't been a part of my life for the last twelve years, and today?!? I can't handle that I had to put trash in the trash can. It needs to be taken out... right now! If there is trash, its not perfect, and then... we all might die! (I recognize this is not a rational thought... which is one reason I am writing this - getting it out there, or something - and I am NOT taking the trash out, even though I really, REALLY want to.)

It turns out I am crazier than I ever thought...


  1. While I can't say that a super clean room doesn't look nice; Im sorry that you have found yourself in that "mess" today... Those moments carry some of the worst anxiety (in my opinion)...
    I know its not actually funny, but I did chuckle when you described your cleanliness issue with your bed..why?..
    because I washed my sheets earlier this week and have been refusing to put them back on as I don't want to mess up good clean sheets.. So I've slept on the couch...
    My opinion will OF COURSE come with a challenge.... If this hasn't been an urge in over ten years for you; then in the last few days something connected to those decade old feelings.... if you don't know what tripped it, look into it...
    Love you to pluto and back...

  2. I can appreciate a good clean room, and the desire to keep it that way. Hopefully it's not too stressful for you.