Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Sorting it out...

A couple weeks ago... Dann and I had a pretty ugly fight - the worst since I have been home from CFC. He said some things that are still hanging around in my brain. They're pretty close to things I have heard from people all my life... stuff about what I deserve (or don't deserve), how selfish I am, and the list goes on.

He apologized. He promised he would be different. He has been working REALLY hard for a long time. I want to let it go (in a healthy way). I don't like that I keep repeating what he said - only I take it a step further than he did. In my mind, its not as if he was saying those things... more as if I accept them as truth, which is how I used to be. Its really screwing with me... bad...

Now that we're back from vacation, I'm trying to step back and think a little better. My opinion: Everything he said fits into one of three categories. There might be more, but this is what I have come up with:
  • What he said was accurate, and I need to change.
  • What he said was not accurate, but he still believes it.
  • What he said was not accurate, and he knows that, but he said it because he was angry and/or wanted to hurt me.
The next step will be figuring out which things fit where... And then sorting out the differences together. To be completely honest, this scares me. A LOT! It would be much easier to just pretend like I am ok now... only... I am not... At least not yet.


  1. I'm so proud of you for thinking about this in a different way than you have before - it shows how far you've come. I'm behind you all the way. I love you!

  2. It's really hard to sort out hurtful things people say, especially when it is a loved one. My guess is that most of it falls in the third category. But, ultimately, what matters is that you are able to put it in that category in your brain.