Friday, September 18, 2009

Let me be myself - 3 Doors Down

I can't sleep. My brain seems to be moving at the speed of light. So, now instead of trying to sleep, I am trying to pay attention to the thoughts racing through. The one that seems to be the strongest is a song:
Let me be myself - 3 doors down
I guess I just got lost being someone else,
I tried to kill the pain, But nothing ever helped
I left myself behind, Somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around, and find myself some day

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time, Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine, with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Would you Let Me Be Myself
Cause I'll never find my heart, Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day, Living in this cell
It's time to make my way, Into the world I knew
And take back all of those times, That I gave in to you

That's all i ever wanted from this world
Was to let me be me..
Please, would you one time, Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine, with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
And that song, makes me so sad! I don't know why... I don't know who I would be saying it to if I was saying those things...

My first thought was Dann, but Dann WANTS me to be me. He wants us to be completely open with each other. He wants to connect with me as much or more than I want to connect with him.

My family? I don't know... I don't have the energy to think about or care about them right now.

Me? Yes. That's it. I keep holding myself back, pushing myself down, beating myself up, and I don't know why or how to stop, but I hate it. I want something different.

Please, would you one time, Let me be Myself? No guilt, no pain, no heartache, no name-calling, no punishment, just let me shine with My own light. I'm so tired of waiting for you to say that it's OK. I don't need to hear it from Dann, my parents, or Paul or anyone else. Only you. Tell me its okay to be Me. So I can make a difference in my life and others'. Tell me its okay to be strong. Its okay to Be. Please, just let me be Myself! Whoever that is... whatever that means...

(Gah! This is so hoaky! but it was enough to keep me awake when I feel completely exhausted... so I'm going to go with maybe this is important, and post it anyways...)

1 comment:

  1. I'm a big fan of you being yourself. I hope you're able to completely let the true you out.