Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Going Red

In 2008, my personal world was a bit... rocky.
My religious world was full of questions. Concerns. Things that didn't make sense, and things that I was trying to force myself to believe that was damn near killing me.
Then the church I belonged to get very involved in a political campaign. Letters were read over the pulpit. Ward members were asked to call everyone they knew in California. Money was asked for. (Some might say the church demanded money from its members.) There were signs all over the place, even in Utah. I had just joined Facebook. (Well... not just joined it, but just started using it as a way to keep in touch with people.) My newsfeed (or whatever they called it back then), was FULL of YES! on Prop 8 statuses, pictures, quotes, and pleas.

I hated ALL of it. It made me sad, angry, and confused.
It felt wrong to be fighting against the rights of the minority. It felt like the opposite of what we should be doing, but I also "knew" it was the right thing. The conflict in my head was huge.

I had not done any research before that. I had accepted all the things the church leaders had said without question. I figured they were smart, they spoke for God, and I didn't need to know... but that feeling in my gut... THIS IS WRONG! was so loud... I started researching. I started listening. I felt compassion, and I learned things that I'd been taught at church were inaccurate. False. Religious teachings that pretended to be based in science or knowledge but weren't. They were based in old ideas that have since been proven wrong.

Prop 8 passed. I didn't have time or energy to care much about it anymore.
Then it was overturned. I quietly felt glad.

As I've healed, I've had more time to invest in learning, research, and questioning. I've also become stronger and I am much more willing to be ME and talk about MY thoughts and opinions... instead of just going along with the majority. I love myself enough to be honest now. That didn't used to be the case.

Today, my Facebook is FULL of red. Seeing all of that, I feel excited: Excited for the changes in me. I have come a LONG way. Excited for the changes happening in the country around me. Excited and hopeful that as the laws change, hopefully, the understanding and compassion will come too. As it becomes against the law to discriminate, eventually, I hope, there will be less discrimination. Which means less suicide, less bullying, less fear, less shame, and more people able to just live and be happy.

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