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Monday, April 20, 2009

There's something about riding bareback...

I spent a few hours today with Bishop Johnson and Sunny.

BJ has been worried that Sunny is too much work, and maybe he should sell him and get a different horse. When he told me that today, my insides lurched. I feel a strange bond to Sunny. I don't fully understand it. I just feel like I understand him, and I relate to him. I don't know why - I just do.

When BJ talked about how much work Sunny was going to take - inside I felt like he was saying I was too much work, and maybe he should just move on. I wasn't worth the time it was taking to make me into a worthwhile person. (I logically know he was talking about a horse, but it didn't feel like he was talking about the horse!)

BJ reassured me he wouldn't sell Sunny unless he hurt somebody. We got Sunny out of his stall, and BJ worked with him in the round pen. I just sat and watched. I was grateful to be outside, but I was full of sadness.

Sunny and BJ went for a walk, and I followed them. I just felt too sad - I eventually sat down on a stump and just cried. BJ brought Sunny over and asked if I wanted to ride him bareback.

YES!

I don't know why, but that is exactly what I want to do. It seemed somewhat counterintuitive to me. My body (and specifically one part of my body) was in immense pain. Sitting on a horse without a saddle is not very comfortable. But somehow, just sitting on Sunny helped me to calm down.

I felt his body shudder when he got afraid. I could feel his heart racing when a dog barked. I could feel him tense up when he wasn't sure about something. Somehow feeling how his body reacted to the stimuli around him, made me feel more safe.

I am not even sure what it was about riding Sunny bareback, but I felt so much better afterwards. I actually wanted to go home to Dann. I wanted to go have dinner. I just wanted to do what I needed to do. I didn't feel like I HAD to anymore. I didn't feel as alone. I didn't feel as lost. After riding Sunny - even for just twenty minutes - I felt like me again. I know I am on the right path. I am excited to get through all of this, and I feel anxious to get to and then over the next hurdle.

I am also excited to continue working with Sunny. He and I will be jumping hurdles together one day.

1 comment:

  1. I am glad you have a good friend in Sunny. It's amazing how an animal really can be a great friend.

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