Thursday, January 1, 2009

I am a survivor!

I am a survivor of:
childhood sexual abuse (age 5)
physical and emotional abuse (until age 18)
sexual assault (age 18)
repeated marital rape and other forced sex acts (age 19-21)
physical and emotional abuse from my husband (age 24-29)

I just feel so sad. I have had many great blessings, and I am so grateful yet to look at this list... and to know that I have known very little time without experiencing abuse. I feel sad. I feel sorrow for the life I never knew, and for the pain that I experienced that I didn't have to experience.

What does age 30-35 look like?

I don't know - it's hard to imagine. I would love to say 30 starts the day where it doesn't hurt anymore. I am strong, and I take care of myself, and I can trust the men in my life to not hurt me. Dann is trying hard, but will it be enough?
Thinking about the future still brings more pain than hope. It is hard to imagine that the future holds more joy than pain, or that it will be any different than the past.

1 comment:

  1. I hope the years you have to come are without pain. Of course, I don't think life will ever be completely without pain. But I'm hoping that at least there will be no more pain from the tragedies of the past.