I just got the call from Colin at CFC... the "You have been out for a year. How are you doing?"
I tried to answer all of the questions honestly, and this is what I saw. I am still no where close to where I want to be. However, my behavior is still hanging in there pretty good... not great, and my thoughts and thinking are still WAY off... but mostly pretty good.
The coolest part... the last survey I took was six months ago. The questions, "How much depression have you experienced in the past month?" and "How much anxiety have you experienced?" stuck out to me.
Every time I have taken this survey, I have said "Very much," and that didn't seem strong enough to express what was happening. I remember wanting to say, "It's all the freaking time! Never a moment of relief from those things!!!" Today, I said, "Much," which is less than "very much," and it is way less than, "Never a moment of relief."
Its progress. And actually, its A LOT of progress. Its slow, and I am so frustrated that it is still so hard... but... I am so grateful for the progress. There are a lot of moments of relief... a lot of moments that I don't think about all of the crap... which only gives me hope that one day, Colin will call, and I will tell her, "In the past month, I don't know, I don't think I have experienced any depression or major anxiety."
THAT will be a great day!