Talking to my husband tonight, I made the comment, "It will never be like it didn't happen, but it will get better than this."
His reply, "The prophets say it can be like it never happened."
What?!? I don't see how. Will I forget? Will the memories be gone? Will I have my childhood back? Will I have my teenage years back? How can that be possible?
He told me to go look it up in conference talks. They all talk about how through the atonement, it will be like our sins never happened. It doesn't say anything about child abuse or rape.
I have been reading talks all night, and they don't make me feel better. Mostly, I feel more guilty and disgusting, because I am not clean. It talks about making yourself clean, becoming pure, etc. I am not any of those things. I don't feel like I ever can be.
I am not even sure I want it to be as if it never happened. I am on a journey to find ME. I am who I am because of the experiences I have had, and because of my desire to learn from every experience.