Thursday, we went horseback riding in the mountains.
Thursday evening, I got home and started reading the book, "It's not about the horse." One of the things the book talked about is that we treat the horse the way we have learned to treat people.
I started thinking, and realized how true that was. With Bo, I really wanted to run, but I couldn't tell him. I wouldn't yell, I wouldn't even barely whisper it to him. I did give him a kick, but I'm sure he felt the hesitation.
I struggled to tell Bo what I really wanted. I hate telling Bo what to do at all. I am afraid of hurting him. I am afraid of being too bossy. I am afraid of being too needy. I am afraid I don't deserve it. I'm afraid he won't do what I ask him to anyways.
I struggle to tell anyone what I really want. I hate admitting to myself that I want anything.
I have improved a lot, and I know riding has helped. I am getting better with the horses. At the beginning, I would barely even touch the reigns. I just let him walk wherever he wanted, or I let BJ lead him. I WANTED the reigns. I wanted to take control. I wanted to be the leader, and I didn't like BJ leading him. At the same time, I wouldn't do it. Now, I go out on my own. I will give the horses a kick, and sometimes they listen. I will ask for help from people more. I will talk about myself more. Things are definitely improving.