Music has always played a very important part of my life. Until this past year, I didn't realize how important, though.
When we started building our business, I mostly quit listening to music. Instead, I listened to teaching tapes. Some were very inspirational, but still did nothing for me compared to what music does.
There have been so many times when I couldn't put words to what I was feeling when the words to a song would come to mind, such as
"I feel like I'm losing my best friend. I can't believe this could be the end." (No Doubt, Don't Speak)
"I'm still mad as hell and not ready to do what it is you think I should." (Dixie Chicks, Not Ready to Make Nice)
"My whole world is the pain inside me, the best I can do is just get through the day." (Superchick, Beauty from Pain)
And so on.
Lately, the song that has been playing constantly in my head is:
"What you've got to do is finish what you have begun.
I don't know just how, but its not over til you've won!"
(Martha from Secret Garden, Hold On)
It's like a constant reminder of what I already know. There is a victory waiting for me!
Words to songs also come to me as answers to prayers, like the other night when I was feeling so discouraged and I didn't know what I was going to do. I heard the words, "Hold on, there's angels on their way." (Hold On) And then I felt the angels around me. I knew it would be ok.
Tonight, as Bishop Johnson was praying, he said something about help Jen to understand why. (Because I had asked him, "Why?") And then I heard the words,
"I've let go my need to know why.
I'll take what answers you supply...
You know better than I."
(Joseph from King of Dreams, You Know Better than I)
And although, that was not the answer I really wanted, I felt comforted by it. I knew that was the answer I needed. (At this moment, I remember Ashley shaking her fists at the heavens, and I echo the sentiment a little.)
I am so grateful for music! There are so many songs in so many genres that have helped me through a tough moment. The words have echoed the feeling in my heart, and knowing that someone else wrote them helped me feel like I wasn't so alone. Also, it gave me strength to express the things in my heart.
I also have been able to share myself with others through music. I have shared the songs I love just by letting others listen to them. And now, I am learning to sing as well. I can share through my own voice.
"The voice is no longer hidden in me!
I've let go. Now, I am free!!"
(CFC Choir, The Voice in Me)