Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Scary, hard night

Last night, I was feeling a little anxious about trying to sleep.

Eventually, I went through the grounding exercises and laid down. It was hard for my body to relax. Even while I was still awake, it kept tensing up all over. It was a little miserable. I put on holosync, and that just seemed to make it worse.

My body started tensing - the all over extremely painful, seizure-like flashbacks. I started crying. I thought about how I just wanted to text BJ to come in right then. I decided that I would wait, let myself go through it, and eventually I would calm down on my own.

I tried. I may have even gone to sleep, but the terror and fear were still completely overwhelming. I felt like I was paralyzed in the bed, and there was nothing I could do to stop what was happening to me. It was terrifying. For about three hours, I went through this agonizing pain. I was exhausted. I didn't know what I wanted BJ to do, but I sent him a text at 3:44 am.

I thought I sent, "Help?" Apparently, I was way more out of it than I thought. He got the message, "Hes".

He came in and just sat with me. My body continued to seize up, I don't know for how long. He gave me a priesthood blessing. I don't remember what it said, except that he blessed me that I would remember the words of that blessing and other blessings. He promised that all of the blessings I have received would come true. He also blessed me with the ability to rest.

After he left, I turned on a different holosync track. I relaxed and went to sleep before that one was over. After that, I woke up a few times filled with terror, but I was able to calm down and just go right back to sleep.

I remember a time when my nights were like that every night. It hasn't been like that for a while. Although it sucks to have them at all - I am grateful that I don't have them all of the time now. I am grateful I was here, and I didn't have to go through that pain alone

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad he was there and was able to help you. I'm grateful for the blessing the priesthood can be during hard times.