I love the mountains. I love horses. Yesterday, I got to experience both!
I almost didn't go. I didn't deserve to do anything I enjoyed like horseback riding in the mountains. I know this sounds ridiculous to most people, but it plagues me all the time. I try to fight against it, but there are times when the shame and guilt are too strong.
I am glad I beat them and went. I had help from my sweet husband. He wouldn't let me back out. He said a lot of good things that helped me to at least get to the barn. (And once I was at the barn, I was way too excited to let myself back out there. Although it was still hard.)
Once we got on the horses though, it was just awesome. The weather was amazing... The sun felt wonderful. I felt at home on the horse, and my head slowed down. I forgot that I didn't deserve to be there, and I enjoyed myself anyways.
And as always, I found healing on the back of the horse. My emotions that had been up and down and all over the place, calmed... I cried (hard), and Bo didn't judge me.
I feel so grateful for the mountains, the sunshine, the green leaves on the aspens shaking in the wind, the streams, the birds, the horses, the company, the conversation, the hope, and the break that riding yesterday gave me.