I had talked to Rachael to get some support. When I got to the doors, Melissa and Cassie both asked if they could sit next to me. Rachael came and asked if I was okay - I was. I don't know Cassie well, but she is very sweet and pure and I can tell she has been through hard times and overcome.
Melissa knows of my hardships - more than most people on the planet. Not because I have told her, but because her dad has told her. Either way, I knew she was nervous about going into relief society alone, and I thought maybe we could support each other.
The lesson was on redemption for the dead. I was reminded of Ron, my grandparents, Ginger's grandma, Rick's wife, and others that have passed on. Mostly, I thought of me, and the plan of salvation. It truly is perfect. He loves all of us so much - He has provided "ample provision" for us all (living and dead) to return to Him.
It was hard to sit there... my body was trembling and freaking out, but I tried to focus on the good things I was feeling. I made it through without bolting... which is definite progress.
The closing song was, "Now Let Us Rejoice." I have always loved that hymn. It echoes the feelings in my heart, the longing for joy. Today, the words hit me in a new way...
"When all that was promised, (I) will be given.I thought of all of the promises. I thought of going home to Him. I thought of freedom from being molested, because although there is no one hurting me now... I still relive it all day long. I feel it happening all the time. But He has promised, and I know He will deliver on that promise.
And none will molest them from morn until ev'n"
"And Jesus will say to (me), "Come home."
I couldn't sing. Inside, I just felt hopeful, which is cause to rejoice.
We'll love one another and never dissemble.After the meeting, Hannah came up and thanked me for letting her come visit me (visiting teaching) on Wednesday. She said she was having a crappy day that day, and it helped to just sit and talk about nothing with Nicole and I. I am so glad she told me - I never would have thought that. I never would have thought I was helping her in any way...
But cease to do evil and ever be one.
And when the ungodly are fearing and tremble,
We'll watch for the day when the Savior doth come.
In faith we'll rely on the arm of Jehovah,
To guide through these last days of trouble and gloom,
And after the scourges and harvest over,
We'll rise with the just when the Savior doth come.
Then all that was promised the Saints will be given,
And they will be crowned with the angels of heav'n.
I am grateful I went. I am grateful for Melissa and Cassie. I am grateful for Rachael. I am grateful for Hannah. As for next week, if I feel like going, I will. If not, I won't. I will trust me, because I trust Him.