The past week, I have gone and spent time with the horses... I haven't had an agenda. I haven't planned on riding them - although I did once. This morning, I went again. I let Sunny just play in the arena. I sat and watched him.
I have a strange connection to him that I can't explain. Watching him run releases emotions in me that I can't explain or describe. I just cry. Today, it was the same thing. Then I brushed him, and it happened again. I was overcome with so many emotions that I don't understand. I just stood there next to him and cried.
I took Bo out, and did the same thing, but it was completely different. Bo doesn't bring out the same feelings in me. I like him. I respect him. I am a little afraid of him, but not in that I don't trust him. If I was going to pick a horse to ride, it would be Bo right now and not Sunny. For some reason the very thing that connects Sunny and I makes it so we can't work together like Bo and I can...
Bo and I went for a walk. I let him stop and eat whenever he felt like it. And then I just sat there with the purpose of doing nothing. I wasn't real great at doing nothing. I called several friends. I called UVU to ask about their rec therapy program. I read. Finally, I just sat there for a while. We spent a few hours together today.
As we came back to the barn, and I put Bo away, I realized that my body wasn't hurting. I don't know how long it had been that it wasn't hurting... I know it was while I was with Sunny, but that's the last time I remember feeling it.
Unfortunately, thinking about it has brought it back... but, its easier to deal with now than it was before.