Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My definition has changed.

I've been thinking about the ten years in between "eating disorders". I used to tell myself and everyone else, I was recovered. I wasn't.

I was in Compliance. I did everything everyone wanted me to, because everyone wanted me to do it. I just stopped listening to everything inside of me, because everything inside of me was too crazy to listen to. I couldn't trust anything that came from me.

That wasn't good enough. I wasn't happy living like that, so one day, I did it differently. Unfortunately, the only thing I knew that was different was the eating disorder.

Fortunately, this time, I am in recovery. I am learning to trust me. I am learning to do what needs to be done because I want to. I am learning to love myself completely. I am learning to really listen... to others and to me. I am finding healing. And this time, its for reals.


  1. This makes me smile... Especially the "its for reals" part... I am so glad that you are recognizing and allowing recovery to be alive in your life. It is unbelievably exciting to watch and hear about. Im extremely proud of you.

  2. oh... and I just wanted to tell you that I really like the new blog title and description. I think that it is absolutely fitting...

  3. I'm glad you're having a "for reals" recovery this time.