The single most important thing

Visiting Katie. She went to snack. I sat on the couch on the unit. There was a dad of another patient there. We talked, he asked if I came to visit a lot (because all of the care techs and staff seemed to be so friendly with me). I told him I tried to come every week, but the real reason they knew me was because I was a patient there before.

He asked how I was doing. I told him it was still really hard sometimes, and I was doing pretty good. He then asked what was the most important thing I got from CFC.

The MOST important? The friends. The people I met. The amazing women who learned everything about me, and still loved me. The strong women that shared their secrets and their lives with me. Feeling completely accepted for the first time in my entire life. Knowing that I didn't hold anything back, even when it was impossibly hard to tell them about myself. And they loved me.

But really, there is so much that I am grateful for. All of the different therapies were helpful. Every single group, every single day, there was something amazing that I learned about myself or the world around me. I am grateful for every little part.

He then asked how I felt about Intuitive Eating. I laughed and told him it was life-changing. I didn't go into details about my eating disorder before, but I did tell him that I never thought I could trust myself to make my own food choices. It feels SO GOOD to know that I can.

It was strange sitting there and answering his questions. Probably because I was sitting on THAT couch in THAT place, I was completely open. I answered all of his questions without thinking through my answers... which might be really good, or might not be. It felt good to be completely open. I am not that way very often. It is a little strange that the most important thing in treatment, is the thing that is still the hardest for me in the "real world".

hmmmm...