BJ shared some of the things he has been working on over the past week. He shared with me how I have helped bring him perspective on his marriage and his family.
He seemed so much more peaceful - and his eyes seemed more clear. I know his journey is not over, and he has work to do to bring him the peace and happiness he really wants, but he is getting there.
The feeling in my heart was that my journey with him is changing again. I felt so sad and so grateful at the same time.
I am grateful that I could help, that my journey blessed someone else's life, and I am especially grateful he shared with me that I have helped. I am sad, because I want to feel peace and to feel clarity. I want to know and to feel what I see others feel, and although I have made so much progress, it is not anywhere near what I want.
When will I be able to feel that? When will I know what he seemed to know? When will it be less of a battle? And if I am done here, and its time to move on, what will I do? Will I ever find peace and happiness, or will it always be about everyone else? I am sorry I am so selfish, I don't want to be. I wish it was enough that I could help others...
And at the same time, I am so grateful, because I pray all of the time to know how to help others, how to bless others' lives, and to be an instrument in His hands. I am grateful that He is using my struggles to bless the lives of the people I care about most.
How is it possible to feel so grateful and to feel so sad at the same moment???