I am so frustrated today. I know I need to have patience, and I am trying... I should be incredibly grateful that you are willing to try as much as you are. I know that dealing with me and my crap isn't easy, and many people would run from the thought.
There are very few people who know what you know about me. It hurts that you know so much, and yet know so little at the same time. Maybe I gave you too much all at once. Actually, I know I did. I wanted so bad to have someone that could understand my world that I threw you into it by letting you read my blog.
That's like giving a baby steak as their first whole food. You handled it much better than you should have.
It hurts a lot sharing those things with you, and knowing you are reading them, and you really, REALLY don't understand. You could. I know you are capable. Its going to take a lot of work for both of us.
I am not writing what I am really feeling - I am censoring it... a lot! I am giving you the kind, non-offensive, understanding of your point of view crap that I always do. It is a talent and a skill that has come in handy in my life, but sometimes, it just sucks!
Sometimes, I just want to feel angry. Sometimes, I don't want to think about why you are doing what you are doing. Sometimes, I just want to think about me and no one else.
Monday, February 9, 2009
A letter to the new Bishop
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Sometimes it's hard to find the balance between what you really feel and how much you want to share. I know sharing everything with the world can be very difficult. Just know that, for me at least, you don't have to censor it. I will always love you regardless of how unpleasant some of your thoughts and feelings may be at any given time.ReplyDelete