I know I have been working for a life after this. I know I have been fighting for it, praying for it, giving everything I have for it. I have known deep inside that there has to be something more to life than what I have experienced, and yet at the same time, I have wondered.
I still can't see past the pain, the fear, the anxiety, the depression, the tears, etc.
So, as I face the things that have happened to me, one of the biggest fears is of the unknown. What comes after this? How will it feel? What will it be like? Will it be everything I have imagined? Will it hurt? Will I be happy? Will others like the new me that emerges? Will I like the new me? Who will I be?
I feel sad. I feel confused. I want all that life can offer, and yet I don't want to have to face it.
If I am not hurting, what will I feel? If I am not fighting off constant sadness, depression, and anxiety, what will I do? If I don't feel guilty all of the time, how will I know what I am supposed to do?
Then, I remember... I am a daughter of God - destined to do great things. I don't know what it will be like - I can't even imagine. No one can. We are mortals destined to do divine and great things, and we can't understand our divine destiny.... yet. I am no different than anyone else living on this planet.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
I often struggle with a fear of the unknown. One struggle I've had is with the idea of having children. Robyn is so confident that we will be happier with children. I struggle a little bit. Will it be too hard? Will I be able to teach them properly? What if I get angry at them? What if I become too apathetic towards them? What if I just don't know what to do next?ReplyDelete
I guess we all have to learn that the Lord has a plan for us, and his work and his glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. If we follow his plan there will be struggles, but he will make us better and happier in the end. Of course, it's always easier said then done. It's easy to talk about it but hard to step into the unknown.