Saturday, February 21, 2009

You'll feel this way again

I called my husband. He was still at work, and couldn't really talk. I got off the phone with him and just sat down and started to pray. All of a sudden, there was a feeling inside.


The pain didn't go away, but instead it was similar to the feeling that comes in January-February. It is still bitter cold outside, it is still snowing, and you can't see any signs of spring. Yet, I can feel it in the air, and I just know its coming.

That is how I felt. It hurts, and I am not ready to be at home yet, but I will be very soon. It is coming! The rest of the night, that hope got me through. I had a great time playing rock band with friends. I had an awesome time driving with my husband, and the play was a ton of fun. I laughed. It still hurt horribly, but I really didn't care. I knew that the day was coming when it wouldn't hurt.

I felt like ME again. I was just happy. I joked. I held his hand, and we laughed and talked about goals, the future, business, everything that came to our heads.

We got home, and he was tired. He said he wanted to go to bed and started getting ready for bed. I started to feel really panicked. I knew I wasn't ready to try and sleep there. At the same time, I didn't want to go to bed. I didn't want to try to sleep. I didn't want that feeling to end.

He read my mind, hugged me, and said, "You'll feel this way again."

Its true - I will feel that way again. I will better than that. The time is coming when it won't hurt at all. The time is coming when I will be able to relax, sleep, hang out, laugh, cuddle, all of it, and it won't hurt!

In the meantime, I will cling to the hope. Although the great feeling from yesterday is fading, I cling to the promise there will be a spring at the end of winter.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know why but I was overcome with emotion while I read this particular post. Maybe it's because it's been so long since I've had that much pain. I've forgotten what it's like to not always have that happiness. Robyn has really helped me heal some old wounds.

    I don't know what exactly it will take, but I do know you will feel that way again. From what I can see, you're starting to have it again, but I know that the day will come that you can feel that happiness on a daily basis.